


Balance Point

by BackinBlack47



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Balance in the force, F/M, Greylo, Kylo Ren Redemption, Non TROS compliant, POV Rey (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:54:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23255008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BackinBlack47/pseuds/BackinBlack47
Summary: Snapshots of Kylo and Rey’s moments together after the battle of Crait as they come together, learn, train, and heal.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37
Collections: Reylo Charity Anthology: Volume 2





	Balance Point

**Author's Note:**

> This was my piece for the 2020 Reylo Charity Anthology: Across the Stars!

The Resistance is battered and bloody by the time they make it to D’Quar. They all stare at Rey with a mixture and awe and fear. She hears their whispers as they take stock and bandage themselves up. She’s a new Jedi, trained by Master Luke. She fought Kylo Ren and walked away. She went into the First Order and survived. 

They’re nervous to talk to her at first. But thanks to Finn and, when he has time, Poe, they start asking her questions. 

_ What was it like, going to the First Order? Does she really have a lightsaber?  _

Fine. Lots of black. She did, but the kyber crystal cracked. 

_ What was Kylo Ren like _ is her least favorite question.  _ Angry _ , is what she tells them at first. She just shakes her head when prodded for more, offers a tight lipped smile. It’s the closest thing to the truth that she feels like sharing. He is angry. But he’s also sad, and lost, and she doesn’t know if he’ll ever forgive her for saying no to his offer. 

She eats rations with Finn, spends more time with Poe, and, eventually, Rose, when she wakes up. Rey likes her a lot. Rose asks questions, too. But she’s able to sense that there are things Rey doesn’t want to talk about. 

The force bond is achingly silent in the weeks following Crait. She’s used to years being alone in her own head. It feels worse, like this, to have known what it was like to never be alone and have it taken away. That Kylo was there, always, and now he’s gone. 

\---

The first time their bond opens after Crait, she is in a corner of the Millenium Falcon, her broken lightsaber spread in her lap. He appears in front of her in his usual all black, cape snapping behind him. His mask decidedly missing. 

_ I see you still have that piece of junk _ . His voice cuts through the air. Even when they were fighting, trying to spill blood, he never sounded this cold. 

She hunches her shoulders, burrowing further into herself.  _ It’s not junk.  _

He doesn’t respond, looking intently at the datapad in front of him instead. She stands up, her lightsaber clutched to her chest. 

_ I hate you, you know.  _

_ I’m fully aware, thank you.  _ His face remains a blank mask, but a sharp spike of emotion runs through the bond. It takes her a moment to place it, but it’s something she recognizes. Loneliness. The same aching loneliness she felt on Jakku, when she was alone and thought she would die of hunger or thirst or exposure, and there would be no one there to help her. She can feel the tension in the way he holds his shoulders, his fists clenched. He clenches his jaw. 

_ Did you want something else, scavenger? _

She shakes her head once.  _ No.  _

He sighs.  _ Goodbye _ . And with that, their bond snaps closed. 

As she lies in her bunk that night, she can’t stop thinking about him. His barely concealed rage and sorrow, mixed together in a cocktail strong enough to turn to hate. She wouldn’t wish that type of loneliness on anyone. 

\---

She’s by herself, surrounded by lush trees for the D’Quar forests, in the spot that has become her usual training spot in these past weeks, when he appears again. 

_ Rey.  _

She sighs and opens her eyes, her meditation interrupted. He sits in front of her, mirroring her cross-legged position. 

_ What do you want?  _

_ You brought me here.  _ His voice is still achingly cold. 

She rolls her eyes.  _ Stop this. I know I hurt you, but you tried to kill me. And my friends. And your mother.  _

_ She's not my mother _ , he snaps. 

Maybe it is because of who he has reaching out for him. Leia has been a mentor to her, the closest thing she’s had to a mother in years. She can’t stand that her parents sold her for drinking money, and he refuses his mother, still alive and wanting to see him. 

And all the things that have been brewing under the surface come to a boil. 

_ You’re Supreme Leader of the First Order. You shot at your mother. You tried to kill her, and- _

_ Don’t speak about her,  _ he interrupts. She gasps as a sharp bit of paint shoots through their bond, not hers, regret so strong she wraps her arms around herself. 

She sees his memory. His thumb, hesitating over the trigger, unable to deliver the killing blow. 

_ You didn’t hurt her. Leia _ . He tried to kill her, but he couldn’t. The thought rolls over and over in her mind. 

_ No. _ He’s looking at a spot next to her, avoiding her eyes. 

_ Why?  _

_ I don’t know.  _ He huffs, standing up. “Is that all?” he asks, tapping his foot. Around him, everything that is not his body, is a blur of color. She stays quiet, trying to focus. She inhales slowly. As she exhales, her vision focuses sharply, the room around him appearing. 

“Nothing to say?”

“I can see where you are,” she says, her voice harsh against the quiet of the forest. The room around him is destroyed, his lightsaber stuck in the table beside him. 

“You are growing stronger.” He looks straight at her as he says this, and she feels her cheeks color. 

_ I’m trying _ , she agrees.  _ But this, whatever this is between us, is treason. _

His side of the bond shuts abruptly, leaving an empty echo in her head. She is left reeling. Has she offended him? Does it even matter? What could they be other than this, enemies across a battlefield, spread across the galaxy. 

\---

“Do we have any chance of winning?” Rey asks, sitting across from the general at her desk. 

Leia sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. “Well, we’ve lost a countless amount of lives, and we have no one to come for aid.” 

“So we’ll die.”

"Rey. Stop worrying yourself so much.” She reaches over and clasps Rey’s hands in hers. “We'll live," Leia says. “We’ll find a way to pull through. We’re safe now, at least.”

“But for how long?” she asks, afraid of the answer. 

"I'm going to contact my allies again. Hopefully, if not aid us in battle, they can send supplies.” She feels the anger brewing in Leia’s force signature. 

“It’s not fair.” Her voice quivers slightly and she tries to swallow down her anger. “They’re not your allies if they don’t come when you need them.” 

“That’s true.” Leia smiles sadly. “But we don’t have much of a choice.” 

“What can I do to help?”

"Just keep doing what you're doing. People see you as a beacon of hope."

"I'll try." 

"I'm here if you ever want to talk, Rey. You have a large burden to bear." 

She bites the inside of her mouth to keep herself from telling Leia everything about the bond she shares with Kylo. What would she even say? That she’s connected to the Supreme Leader of the First Order, and he likely knows where the Resistance base is? That she sent herself to him, begged him to come back and he still didn’t? That she’s running out of ideas, and almost out of hope? 

"Thank you," she says instead. Her eyes prick with tears and she steps back into the hallway before they can fall. 

“There’s always hope left, Rey. Don’t give up,” Leia calls after her. 

Kylo appears next to her as the door closes, falling in step with her as she walks down the hallway. 

_ You had a meeting with the general.  _ He doesn't look at her, his eyes staring straight ahead. 

_ You mean your mother? _

He rolls his eyes.  _ Whatever help you sleep at night, scavenger.  _

_ Not being afraid for my life would go a long way,  _ she fires back. 

_ I'm not trying to find you.  _ He glances quickly over at her before fixing his gaze ahead again. 

_ Why? What changed?  _ She wants to believe him, she really does. But she’s had her hope crushed so many times, the disappointment of being wrong about him once still fresh enough to sting. 

_ I have more pressing matters to take care of.  _

_ So we're safe? _

_ At least from me.  _

_ Thank you.  _

_ Don't thank me.  _

Their steps echo in the newfound silence. He glances towards her.  _ What? _ She asks. He looks back in the direction they came from.  _ Is she alright? _

_ Your mother is fine.  _ A beat of silence passes before she asks her question.  _ Why do you care? _

_ I don’t.  _ He quickens his pace down the hall. 

_ Where are you going?  _ She speeds up behind him, reaching out to grab his arm. 

_ Goodbye. _ He disappears before she can reach him. She’s left in an empty hallway, staring at the spot where he used to be. 

\---

She has just finished dressing and is in the process of pulling on her boots when the bond opens again. 

“Are you ever wearing a shirt?” She snaps, folding her arms over her chest. 

“You’re the one that pulled me here,” he says, his voice muffled as he pulls his shirt over his head. 

“No I didn’t.” She stands up, fastening her belt around her waist. 

“You must have been thinking of me.”

“Of course I’m thinking of you. I’m still mad at you for trying to kill me.” 

“I’ve tried to kill many people.” 

“Yes, but they’re not in your head like I am.” 

The corners of his mouth twitch up ever so slightly. 

“You’re not wrong.” 

\---

He's often at the back of her mind as she goes about her day. Every conversation leaves her more and more frustrated. He is both aggravating and comforting, trailing behind her as she goes about her day. 

He appears again when she’s at the cantina eating with Finn, Poe, and Rose. He sit down on the empty bench next to her. 

_ What do you want?  _ She keeps her eyes focused on her food, pulling off a piece of bread and chewing it slowly. 

He picks up her fork instead of answering.  _ Interesting. _

_ Stop it.  _ She snatches it back, angrily stabbing it into her rations. Luckily, the other three at the table are in an animated conversation, too distracted to notice. 

_ I can touch what’s in your surroundings.  _ He reaches for her water glass, but she moves it away before he can touch it. 

_ Stop it.  _

_ We need to figure out the limits of the bond.  _

_ Is there a less annoying way to do it?  _

_ Probably.  _

She steals a glance at her friends across from her. None of the three have noticed anything amiss, they’re so wrapped up in one another. One of Finn’s arms is slung around Poe’s neck, his other hand clasped with Rose’s. 

  
  


_ Finn is force sensitive. There’s a possibility he can sense that you’re here.  _

_ The traitor?  _ He looks over towards her friends for the first time. 

_ Stop calling him that. His name is Finn. Though he might be too distracted to notice anything _ . At that moment, Finn breaks into a loud guffaw, joined by Rose’s softer laughter. Rey smiles softly, wishing she could have something easy like the three of them have. Her guard has always been up. Especially now, with the force bond. Balancing two parts of her world is more difficult than she expected. She wants nothing more to tell them about the bond she shares with Kylo, ask their advice. 

“Everything alright, Rey?” Finn’s voice startles her out of her reverie. 

“Everything’s great.” She takes a slow sip of water, resisting the urge to look at Kylo next to her. “Just a bit tired.” 

_ I think it’s safe to say that people can only see you when we’re touching, _ she sends through the bond. She thinks back to that night in the hut on Alch-II, where their hands touched and she felt fully connected to someone for the first time in her life. 

_ We anchor the other, then.  _

_ I suppose you could call it that.  _

\---

He appears next when she’s fixing the Falcon, kneeling on the floor of the cockpit, covered up to her elbows in grease. 

_ I’m busy, _ she thinks, not looking up from the screw she’s tightening. 

_ And I hate this stupid piece of junk.  _ He kicks the back of the pilot’s chair. 

_ You should go if you’re just going to complain.  _

He plops down in the pilot’s chair, looking around. 

_ I haven’t been here since I was a teenager.  _

_ Chewie said it hadn’t changed much. It was the same way Han kept it.  _

Han, who had believed in his son until the moment he died. She doesn’t say anything, focuses on the wrench in her hand. 

_ Would it help if I told you I regret it? _

_ Regret what? _ She looks up at him. His head is leaned against the back of the chair. 

_ Killing my father.  _ His eyes are closed, his fingers clenching the armrests. 

There’s still hope left in you, is what she wants to say. But she pushes that thought down. The bond wavers, and it feels like he may disappear at any moment. Shame pushes through the bond, sadness at what he has done.  _ Why are you telling me this? _ She asks. 

_  
_ _ Who else am I going to tell?  _

“He died hoping that you would come back to your family,” she whispers. 

A tear falls down his face. She wants to wipe it away. But she stays where she is, picks up her wrench again. 

He fights his demons next to her, and she works beside him in silence. 

\---

The space she's carved out for herself in the new Resistance base is little more than a closet. She tried sleeping in the barracks. But the breathing and shuffling of everyone around her had her opening her eyes every ten minutes. This is better. Quieter, even if she doesn’t have much room. 

She’s almost asleep when there’s a tug on the force bond. Something soft ghosts across her skin, and she opens her eyes to find herself lying under soft gray sheets. She sits up, the sheet pooling around her waist. The room is sparsely furnished, a desk and chair the only other furniture. A viewport takes up most of the space on the wall across from the bed, the stars twinkling in the dark outside. 

“Rey.” He’s lying on his back next to her, his eyes closed, hair spread over the pillow. She pushes down the urge to run her fingers through it.

“You’re thinking of me.”

“It seems to happen whether I want it to or not.” He doesn't open his eyes or turn to look at her.

She tucks her hands under her cheek and turns to lie on her side, facing him. 

“I think I’m going to tell Leia about us. About the bond,” she says. “I’m tired of keeping it a secret.” 

He crosses his arms over his chest as he speaks. “Why are you telling me this?” 

“It involves you, so I wanted you to know. I have to tell her we’re connected.”

“Of course you always go running back to her.”

“Yes, because I respect her.” She turns onto her other side, stung. 

There’s rustling as he turns to face her. He traces his finger down her spine and she shivers. His finger traces patterns along her back. Her eyes drift closed and she’s almost asleep before he speaks again. 

“I think we’re a force dyad.”

“What’s that?”

“We're the same in the force, two halves of one whole. We can feel what the other feels, see where they are.”

“Why us?”

“Why not us?”

She turns over to face him again. “Why pick two people on opposite sides of a war?”

“The force wants us together for a reason.”

“Is it the force, or is it us?” 

“Both.” He huffs. "I asked you to rule with me, and you refused."

"I wanted to say yes," she whispers. She hasn't said it aloud until now, afraid of what it might mean. 

"Why didn't you?" 

"All I wanted was you."

He scoffs softly. "No one wants just me."

"I did. I still do."

He closes his eyes, his lip quivering before he opens them again. “Your hair’s down.” 

She raises an eyebrow, but allows the subject change. They have time for that later. “I don’t sleep with it up,” she says. 

He runs his fingers through her hair, following it down as it spills over her shoulders. She closes her eyes, savoring the feeling of his hand as it moves over her neck.

"I've messed this all up, haven't I?" he asks, his voice soft

"There's always hope," she mumbles, already half asleep. 

\---

She waits outside Leia’s office first thing the next morning. 

“Rey, what can I do for you?” Leia asks as she approaches.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Of course.” She says as she opens the door. Leia sits behind her desk. “Anything in particular this is about?” she asks as Rey sits across from her, perched on the edge of her seat. 

"Ben- well, Kylo- and I are connected through the force," she begins. She pauses, squeezing her hands in her lap. 

“Tell me, Rey. Please.” 

Leia listens mostly in silence, nodding along as Rey tells her everything. Mostly everything. She leaves out some of the more intimate details. His soft touches, his smiles. The way he makes her heart beat faster. That she wants to be beside him, despite everything he’s done. 

"Are we in any immediate danger?" Leia asks when she finishes. 

Rey shakes her head. "No. He's not coming after us."

"And you believe him?"

"Yes. He's trying," she says softly. It seems as though general hasn't heard her, she's quiet for so long. Then she sighs. 

"I feel like I failed as a mother." 

"You didn’t. You couldn’t have failed. There’s still good in him," she blurts. 

Leia smiles sadly. "I don't know if he'll ever love me again, or even acknowledge me as a mother. But he is still my son, after all. And I’m glad that he has you.”

\---

It starts as a small thought. She needs a teacher. And someone to practice with, if she’s being honest. Training alone works well enough for now, but she doesn’t know much about the force. There’re thousands of years of force users that came before her, and she knows nothing about them. Lightsaber combat styles are something Luke had mentioned in passing, but she doesn’t know how to use them. Fear for her life had kept her alive. But real training would give her skill, too. 

She had an offer before, for a teacher. It could still stand. 

She sits in the forest as the dawn begins to light the horizon, legs crossed underneath her, hands resting on her thighs. She opens her mind fully, to everything. But she’s always been a scavenger, searching through piles of sand for something that would help her, something that would let her see another day. This is no different. 

She takes what she learned on Ahch-II. Everything has a presence in the force. Every person, every animal, every blade of grass. They all crowd into her head. She takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Breathing in, she feels a light breeze gust over her. Out, and she can feel the breath of all the beings around her.  _ Find him _ , she thinks, letting the force guide her through the depths of her mind. 

She grabs onto the thread of the bond and pulls. One sharp tug, and it all unravels. 

She opens her eyes. He’s sitting on the side of his bed, head in his hands. 

_ Ben? _

He looks up, startled. She hasn’t seen him at all since the throne room, emotions laid bare. He looks similar now. He stares at her, his expression morphing from sadness to anger to a carefully schooled blank expression. 

_ Yes? _

She doesn’t quite know what she wants to ask him. Just that she had to feel him, had to see him there, had to see if he feels the same way she does. 

_ I wanted to see you _ . He huffs, but she feels his satisfaction through the bond. 

She doesn’t try to hide. She’s not sure she can, anyway. His presence in her mind is heavy and comforting. Better than the aching aloneness she felt on Jakku, for most of her life. 

_ What do you need? _ His face is a careful mask, but she can see the way his jaw ticks, feel all of his hurt through their bond. She’s gotten stronger, better at pushing through his defenses.

_ You said I needed a teacher. Consider this me asking to be taught.  _

_ You assume my offer still stands _ , he huffs. But he doesn’t cut off their bond, and she smiles in satisfaction. 

_ So, you’ll do it?  _

_ On one condition.  _

_ What? _

__

_ I need you in person.  _

_ I can’t do that.  _

_ Why not?  _

_ It won’t work. _

_ It will. Please,  _ she begs.

_ Fine.  _

_ Thank you. _

He tries to close their bond, but she pulls back, keeping him with her. 

_ When do we start? _

_ I'll let you know. _

\---

It’s two days before he contacts her again, appearing beside her in her usual training spot in the forest. 

“Let’s begin your training,” he says, without even as much as a  _ hello _ . 

"We'll start with the styles of lightsaber combat." He spreads out some papers between them, drawn with figures in combat. Scrawls of handwriting wind their way around the edges. 

She nods, uncrossing her legs to stretch them out in front of her. “Did you draw these?” she asks. 

“Yes. What do you know about them?”

“Some. Luke started to teach me but…” she trails off. A dark look crosses his face when she mentions Luke. 

“Luke was too strict with teaching. He never let me do anything, or explore more of the force,” he says angrily. 

“He regretted what he did to you,” she says softly. 

He closes his eyes. “I know.” He stands up abruptly. “But that doesn’t change anything.” 

“You’re letting your anger fester inside you.” 

His jaw clenches. 

“It’s true,” she continues. “I don’t think I can forgive my parents for what they’ve done to me. But it’s what happened, and I can’t change that.” 

She runs her hand down his arm. “Let go.”

\---

She can’t quite say that she’s a fan of training drills. He pushes her hard, eyes following her every move, until she’s bent over and gasping for breath. 

“Again,” he says, and she rolls her eyes. 

She learns the seven styles of lightsaber combat: Shii-Cho, Makashi, Soresu, Ataru, Shien or Djem So, Niman, Juyo or Vaapad. She listens, enraptured, as he talks about the history of each style. His eyes light up when he speaks, accompanied by excited gestures. She’s never seen him like this before, and she likes it. 

“Let me practice fighting against you. I can’t learn everything I know just from this,” she asks one day. 

“No, you can’t,” he agrees. “But you don’t have a lightsaber.” 

“I can use my staff.” 

“I could cut through that too easily.” 

“You could use a training staff, too.”

“That wouldn’t be good enough.”

“Please?”

He sighs. “I could try using a training staff.” 

“Thank you.” She throws her arms around him. When she pulls away, there’s a blush creeping up his cheeks. 

\---

It works beautifully. Their practice weapons smack together in perfect sync, their bodies moving in harmony. 

“You should try all of the styles, find the one that works for you best,” as they lie panting on the ground after a particularly bruising session of Ataru style fighting. 

“And of course, if you’re in an actual fight, fuck the forms. Use whatever you need to get out of there alive.” 

\---

He’s much more precise than she is, planning out his moves far in advance. He’s good at this, at teaching, at fighting. 

“Channel your anger.” He swings at her and she just barely dodges, stumbling back. 

After several more failed attempts, she throws down her staff in frustration. 

“Sit,” he says, reaching behind him. A canteen appears in his hand and he offers it to her. She grabs it and gulps down the cold water. 

“You’re trying to pull too much from inside yourself. The force is already there. You have to reach and grab it.” 

“I don’t want to draw from the dark side.” 

“You have anger. At your parents. At what you’ve been through.” He pauses. “At me.” 

She opens her eyes and glares at him. 

“Use it." 

The next round ends when she stands over him, her staff pointed at his throat. 

“Just like that.” 

\---

Poe, acting on behalf of the Resistance, drops a bomb on a ship carrying supplies to a First Order base. 

He is hailed as a hero when he returns, though Leia does not approve. 

Rey is horrified when she sees the footage, the people on the ships meeting cold, airless, deaths in space. 

Finn hits him on the arm. “You could have died.”

“But I didn’t,” he says cheekily, clapping Finn on the back. 

She hates this endless cycle of death. 

As she lies in her bunk, she wishes for something more. More influence, more resources, something that could help her end this stupid war. 

That night, she dreams of Kylo. She kneels in front of him as he places a crown on her head. Then he kneels as she places one on him. The look in his eyes when he stands, directly solely at her. Longing, awe, love. 

It’s not like she doesn’t believe in the Resistance. She does. She believes in their cause, believes that something should be done to change the galaxy. 

She thought it would be easier. No one wins like this. She still believes that. 

\---

Finn is a perfectly adequate sparring partner. He's force sensitive and has enough practice to hold his own against her. They've been training together every morning. She passes along the knowledge Kylo has given her, though he thinks she learned it all from Luke. She teaches him more about the force, how to draw into it. 

But he's not Kylo. He's not Ben. He's not linked with her, doesn't have the same power to match her beat for beat. 

She asks Kylo at their next training session. "I want to train with you, with a real lightsaber. No holding back."  _ With someone who can beat me _ she thinks. 

“You need your own lightsaber.”

“I have one.” Had, she thinks. 

“It is broken, is it not?” 

“Yes.”

“You need your own, not one that someone else made. You can make one that’s just yours.” 

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.” 

“Where do I find kyber crystals anyways?”

“Go to Ilum.”

“I can’t. I would have to pass through First Order territory." 

“I’ll give you a clear way.” 

She looks up at him, her eyes wide.“You would do that?” 

He nods. She notices how close their faces are, that his breath is coming faster. 

"Thank y-" she begins.

"Rey, I-" he says at the same time. 

"You go first," she says. Her face feels unbearably hot, and there's nearly an electrical charge in the air. 

"Never mind." He shakes his head. "If you - I - tell me when you're leaving and I'll make sure your way is clear."

"Thank you." She rests her hand on his arm. He stares at it as if it will burn him, and she reddens impossibly more before moving away and picking up her staff for training practice. 

\---

She tells the rest of the Resistance most of the truth. That she's going to try to find a kyber crystal to fix the lightsaber. Or to make her own, if that doesn't work. She keeps the last part to herself. That she can't do it alone, will have to ask Kylo Ren for help. 

Leia gives her a knowing look after she hugs her goodbye. “Bring Ben back,” she whispers with a wink. 

Finn, Rose, and Poe hug her goodbye. She gets a gentle kiss on the forehead from Poe. "Be careful out there."

"I will."

When the time comes to leave, she opens the bond. He's waiting for her.

_ Your way is clear _ , he says through the bond. 

“Thank you.”

_ Anything for you.  _

\---

The force is stronger than she’s ever felt it on Ilum, the imprints of a millennia of Jedi and Sith left behind. 

The cave of kyber crystals is stunning to look at. Light bounces off of every beam in a myriad of colors. 

_ How do I know which one is mine?  _ She asks Kylo through their bond. 

_ Meditate and you’ll find it. You must do it alone.  _

_ Thank you _ , she says. He draws from her mind, his parting  _ good luck  _ so quiet she barely hears it. 

She sits cross legged in the middle of the cave, eyes closed. She inhales deeply, then exhales, centering herself. She focuses on the bits of the force around her, her breaths, the beat of her pulse. The meditative state comes quickly, her mind open to everything around her. 

Something calls to her. She stands up and follows, letting the feeling pull her through the cave. Her steps make soft thumps as she walks, stopping in front of a mass of crystals. She reaches for the ones that called to her, pulling it free. The light hits the two crystals, a soft purple glow around them. She smiles. 

\---

She knows how to build this, in theory. She’s always been good with taking things apart and putting them back together. 

It’s not hard to build a lightsaber, but it’s more difficult than she expected to build a saber staff. She has to keep the crystals from igniting into each other and causing an explosion. It requires more cooling than single blade lightsaber, as well as extra vents in the side and more wiring.

It’s soothing, having her Kylo by her side as she works. He scribbles away at his desk using pen and ink, or stares intently down at his data pad, sketching with a stylus. 

It takes her four days to finally get the wiring to work the way she intends. “I think I did it,” she exclaims, setting the screwdriver in her hand down.

“Let’s see, then.” He caps his inkwell and sets his pen down. 

Both blades spring to life, bathing the two of them in a soft purple glow. 

“It’s purple,” he says, his voice light with happiness. Pride, for her, comes through his side of the bound. 

“I like purple,” she says, giving it an experimental swing. It feels right in her hand, powerful. It’s weight is balanced differently than her staff, but it’ll be easy enough to get used to. 

There’s a burst of red as he ignites his lightsaber. They lock eyes, and she gives a minuscule nod. Then they are a blur of light and limbs, red and purple locked. He’s going easy on her, she can tell. Her lightsaber weighs less than her staff, and she’s slightly off balance. He catches her elbow, keeping her from falling and sending an electric pulse up her elbow. 

She turns off her weapon and steps back. He moves to sit again at his desk chair. 

She moves next to him, half standing, half perched on his desk, her pulse racing. The durasteel is cold against her back, grounding her. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “That was...” she starts. 

“Yes,” he says. She chances a glance at him. He’s staring at her like she’s the sun in the sky, like he wants to worship her. 

Thinking of what she could learn from him makes her heart race even faster. 

“Think of what we could do together,” he says. 

“I feel it too,” she whispers, moving to stand in front of him. His hands run down her sides and settle on her hips. He stands, a hair’s breadth from her. The crackling energy for their force bond is all around them, filling her with an intense warmth. 

"Come to me." One of his arms wraps around her waist, pulling her flush against him. His other thumb strokes over her cheek. 

"Meet me halfway," she whispers. He nods, his lips quirking up slightly. 

“Okay.”

“No asking me to go to the dark side.” 

“As long as you don’t ask me to come to the light.” 

“No promises.” 

He smiles fully, his entire face lighting up, and her heart stutters. 

\---

The first time they meet is on Crait. Not exactly halfway, but empty enough that they won’t be spotted. She told Leia she would be leaving, but not where. To Finn, Rose, and Poe, she said she was going to gather intelligence. 

The broken pieces and discarded weapons have been cleaned and the sand turned over, leaving the sand a clean white again. 

“You can barely tell there was a battle here,” she says. 

“I had it cleaned up,” he replies. 

“Letting the past die?” she jokes. He chuckles softly, and smiles. His laugh is better in person, his smile lighting up his face even more. 

“You brought that piece of junk.” He gestures to the Falcon. 

“Just because you hate it doesn’t mean it’s junk.” 

He rolls his eyes, a smile on his lips. 

Unsure of what to do next, she asks, “How do we do this?” 

“We practice.” He reaches for his belt, pulling his lightsaber free. 

It’s different training here. She can pull out of his mind without fear of him disappearing. Now, she can practice fighting full force. 

He holds back until she gets her bearings on the sand and no longer slips when she turns too quickly. Then it’s a barrage of blows and strikes. She’s on the defensive more often than not, and he’s relentless once he starts using his full power. But she learns, dodging around him and thrusting her lightsaber until he his forced to stop his offensive attacks to block her. 

The first time she knocks him down she cheers in triumph. He raises his hand and sends her lightsaber flying from her hand. 

“That’s cheating!” she yells, opening her hand and pulling it back. 

“All’s fair in love and war,” he says. His eyes widen and his cheeks pink. She doesn’t think before summoning her weapon back to her hand, one blade pointing at his throat. “Does that mean that I won?” she says with a grin. 

“Yes,” he stutters, as a smile plays over her lips. 

\---

The second time they train together pushes them off their usual balance point. Neither resists-- they tumble down together. 

The sand turns from white to red under her feet as she moves. The red of the ground, the bright red of his lightsaber, the soft purple of hers. 

They had been training extra hard that day. Now, their breaths coming in heavy pants, the natural red of the sand laced with spots of blood. He nurses a bloody nose from Rey’s well placed fist. She sports cuts over the back of her forearm from falling in the sand rough sand when he pushed her with the force. 

This time, they run at each other full speed. He slides on one knee, swings low. She leaps over his 'saber, landing and rolling. He swings overhead, all his strength in one blow. She ducks under at the perfect second, turning off her 'saber as she does. She hits one of his arms, throwing off his swing. She grins at him, triumphant. He stills in surprise. And she can't stop staring at his lips. She sees more than hears him mouth her name. And then she stretches up on her toes, because really, why does he need to be that tall? 

Their lips meet. They are drunk on battle lust, sweaty and panting, and Rey can’t get enough. All of this  _ something  _ around them for months. 

He groans softly into her mouth. His arms wrap around her waist, pulling her flush to him. Her arms wrap around his neck and he lifts her off the ground. Their force signatures fit together, settling into the valleys and cracks. 

“I can feel the spark between us,” he whispers when they pull away for air, his voice ragged. 

“I feel it too,” she whispers. She steps back. “Let’s go again.” 

They continue training, neither of them mentioning the kiss. 

It isn’t until they’re finished, ready to leave, that they speak again. 

“Rey, will you--” he starts, but she interrupts him before he can finish. 

“I can’t.” Tears well in her eyes and she swipes angrily at them. 

He nods. “I see.” But the hurt in his eyes is clear. And she wants him, more than anything. 

“I’ll see you next time,” she says. His eyes soften. 

“Until next time.” She feels his eyes follow her all the way back to the Falcon. 

They’re balanced between two choices, one step away from falling. 

\---

She doesn’t speak of the kiss. But she thinks about it. The way his lips felt against hers, how good it felt to be pressed up against his body. The power radiating from him. 

How powerful they could be together. 

She thinks about it when she’s meditating without him there. 

When she’s alone in the ‘fresher, touches herself under the hot water, his name falling from her lips as she comes. 

Alone, late at night, when she’s alone in her bed, she wishes for him beside her. 

\---

The next time they meet tips her fully over the edge. She falls from the balance point and down, down, down. 

They meet on Crait again. Before he even opens his mouth to speak, she stands on her tiptoes and presses her mouth to his. She slides her hands into his hair, feeling the softness of it between her fingers. 

He puts a hand on her, sliding his fingers against the skin of her lower back. Their bond is blown fully open. She feels, sees, everything. 

He’s been trying to make the galaxy better. He needs her, will do anything she wants. They could rule the galaxy together, build something new and something better. His hurt at rejection the first time. His acceptance of it now. 

He pulls away first. “I was wrong, Rey. I should never have asked you in that way,” he says. 

“Ask me again,” she pleads, pulling his head towards hers. Their lips meet softly, barely a kiss, more than a kiss. It’s a promise. 

“Rule with me,” he says against her lips. “Be my empress. Be by my side.” 

“Yes,” she breathes into his mouth. He groans, pulling her flush against him. Their lips meet fully, one electrifying, breathtaking kiss. 

They don’t train that day. Instead, she pulls him back to the Falcon, pausing to kiss him along the way. Neither resists--they tumble down together. 

Her legs hitch up around his hips. He grinds his hips against hers, pressing her back further against the wall of the cockpit. 

The pilot’s seat groans underneath their weight as he sits. She’s perched in his lap, grinding her hips against his. “More,” she demands. He stands, lifting her with him, before setting her back down on the seat. Then her leggings are pooled around her ankles and he kneels in front of her, running his tongue over her clit. She bucks her hips into his mouth and he sucks. She cries out, fisting her fingers in his hair. 

He pulls her boots off first, before slipping her ankles free. He lifts her legs over her shoulders and licks her once from bottom to top. High pitched moans, sounds that she’s sure she’s never made before and does not recognize, fall from her lips. This--this is bliss. 

Their minds are so closely linked that he knows exactly where to put his mouth, his tongue, his hands. Two fingers push her underwear to the side and slip inside her. He kisses his way up her body, until his lips meet hers again. He groans and the vibration pushes her closer to the edge. 

_ You look so perfect, Rey. So pink and sweet and-- _ she doesn’t hear the end of his thought as she, gasping, comes undone. 

They stumble to the bed, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake. She falls down on top of him, straddling him as his hands map a course across her body. 

Pants and moans fill the air as his length rubs against her core. “Please,” she pants, looking down at him through heavy lidded eyes. 

He turns them over, bracing himself on his elbows above her. Her fingers dig into his back as he sinks into her inch by inch. 

“Ben.” She whispers his name into his shoulder. 

The rhythmic pace he sets is glorious. Her ankles hook behind his back, pulling him even deeper inside with every thrust. 

He whispers into her neck, into her head.  _ You’re so beautiful _ . 

“Ben,” she gasps, her nails digging into his back. 

His mind is caressing hers now, settling into every corner.

“You’ll never leave me again, will you?” he whispers into the skin of her neck. 

“Never,” she gasps. She presses her hands to his cheeks and pulls his lips up to meet hers. 

She worries then, for one heartstopping moment, that he will leave her, lost and adrift. But before the thought is even fully finished, his mind is pushing back at hers.  _ Never. _

“You own me, Rey.” He nips at her neck as he rocks into her. “I’ll always be with you. I’ll never leave you.” She comes undone at his words, pressing her face into the crook of his neck. Her nails dig into his back and he doesn’t stop whispering. “I’ll never leave you.  _ Never, never, never.” _

He comes then, saying her name like a prayer. “Rey, Rey,  _ Rey _ .” 

After, they stumble into the ‘fresher together before tumbling back into bed. She falls asleep, head pressed to his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. 

\---

She goes back to the Resistance to say goodbye. 

She tells her friends the truth, the whole truth. There’s many interruptions, and she leaves everything but kissing out of the story. But she finally tells them everything, the words bottled up for so long they just spill out of her. 

“And so I’m going to join him,” she finishes. There’s silence from the three of them, and she searches their faces for any sign of acceptance. 

“If this is what you want, Rey, I support you,” Rose says. Rey flings her arms around her neck. 

“Thank you,” she whispers, her voice breaking. 

“I mean, I still think he’s crazy. But I trust you, Rey. If you say he’s changed, he’s changed,” Finn says, wrapping his arms around the two of them. 

Poe sighs before joining in. “Just don’t make us hang out with him yet. I still need time.” 

Tears drip down her face, but she smiles. “Thank you. All of you.” 

She says goodbye to Leia next. 

“Is my son still there?” Leia asks her. Rey nods. “Good.” She pulls Rey close. Rey wipes the tears from her eyes after she pulls away. Saying goodbye to the closest thing she has had to a mother in a long time is difficult. 

“Be safe.” Leia gives her a soft look. “Tell my son I’m sorry.” 

“He’ll come around.” Of that, she is sure. 

\---

The first official thing she does as empress is free the children, those who would have grown up to be Stormtroopers, conditioned from birth to fight for a cause that they have no say in, their lives taken away to be used as pawns. 

Some have families that she can find. Others know nothing. Most stay, confused at their newfound freedom. They are more loyal to her than to others in the First Order. She freed them, and they will follow her for giving them that choice. 

She fights with Kylo, sometimes with words, sometimes with lightsabers. Sometimes with both, shouting and screaming over the sting of their blades. It’s times like these where the walls around them shake, rage and passion mixed together. 

Rebuilding will be worth it. They can shape the galaxy any way they wish. 

She lies beside him in bed at night, and finally feels at home. 


End file.
